Shadow
by Maia's Pen
Summary: One shot. Gary Oak is a young mastermind when it comes to handling Pokemon. But when it comes to his own life he’s overwhelmed by frustration, speculations, and doubt.


Shadow

By Maia's Pen

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon, I don't own Gary Oak . . . although, that is interesting to contemplate. ; )

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The moonlight was dismal. The moonlight was sparse. The moonlight itself seemed exhausted; as if a mere sigh from God could extinguish it forever.

On this particular night the moon seemed to reflect the soul of the young man who walked silently beneath it.

The light bled through the slits in the canopy of dense forest above. As meager as it may have been - if it weren't for this thin trickle of light - the world surrounding Gary Oak would have been completely engulfed in darkness.

He was walking alone, slowly down a narrow dirt path. He wasn't headed in any particular direction. There was no specific destination in mind . . . he was just walking, alone, and away from Pallet Town.

Had you been in that murky forest then, and had you asked him where he was, Gary Oak wouldn't have been able to respond. You see, he wouldn't have known the answer. He was just walking; his footsteps hitting the dirt in a steady drumbeat rhythm . . .

_. . . thud, thud . . . thud, thud . . . thud, thud . . . _

He was compelled to walk. Gary felt as if he was searching for . . . _something_ . . .

. . . like he needed desperately to find _someone_. Alas, but it was a futile journey. Gary had no map to aid him. It was a quest that held no clues nor offered even a slight direction.

Thus, he did all that he could: Gary walked. He wandered aimlessly though the solitary summer night.

The splatters of moonlight caused a gloomy shadow to form beside Gary. The shadows head was hanging low - as if it were ashamed. The shadows posture was sullen - as if remorseful. The shadows arms were wrapped protectively around its own body - as if desperately longing for comfort, no matter how slight or fruitless.

This lonesome shadow belonged to Gary.

_. . . thud, thud . . . thud, thud . . . thud, thud . . . _

This was not the first time he had walked this beaten path. Gary would often set off on this directionless voyage. In fact, nearly every time he returned to his home town the yearning to walk away consumed him like a vicious disease.

The only reason he even returned to Pallet Town was to visit his Grandfather. He had no other reasons to visit. His Grandad was clueless that Gary ever took off during the night. Gary would always wait until his Grandfather was asleep - after all, there was no need to bother the old man with his . . . problems.

Gary was as patient as a Persian who could silently stalk its prey. Gary was as controlled as a Noctowl who could kill with a mere twist of its claw. He could ignore the longing to leave, sometimes for days at a time. But eventually, even the strongest of wills falter. When this happened Gary would watch his Grandfather's bedroom door until the light flicked off at night. Then Gary would leave all his personal possessions: money, cell phone, Pokedex, and even all of his Pokeballs behind before setting off. Alone. He always walked alone at night . . . maybe he did so because he always felt alone during the day . . . all of the time.

Gary Oak always felt alone.

_. . . thud, thud. . . thud, thud . . . thud, thud. . ._

There was only one set of footsteps to be heard echoing throughout the forest. His shadow certainly didn't make a sound; it just walked mysteriously along beside him. It was - in some ways - his only true constant companion. It was translucent, dark, and dismal; but his shadow was possibly the only thing in the world that could ever sincerely understand his unspoken suffering.

Gary didn't even fully understand why he was driven to walk away. He wanted to know the answer; and he wanted to know why he felt so obligated to always return? He didn't know why he constantly had to contemplate the things that he did. Why the hell _did _he focus so much on certain matters? Why did he obsess over the perfection of trivial things? Why was nothing he did _ever _good enough? Why couldn't he just be like . . . _him_?

_. . . thud, thud. . . thud, thud . . . thud, thud. . ._

Everyone adored _him. _Ash Ketchum.

It didn't make sense. Why did Gary feel so inferior? Why did he feel threatened? Why did everyone have to constantly compare him to _Ash Ketchum?_

Gary shouldn't have envied him. In all logical respects there was really no reason. Gary had every conceivable advantage over Ash. Gary knew he was taller, he knew that he was better looking, that he had better hair, that he had better style. Gary knew that he had more charisma, more charm, more money. Gary was more mature, better-spoken. A much better tactician. He _knew _that he had more education and superior knowledge about Pokemon. Gary had caught and trained hundreds of Pokemon. Ash only had a handful, most of them pitifully weak. And yet, Ash always seemed to succeed - everyone always seemed to _want _Ash to succeed. Ash had started out as a pathetic underdog . . . but proved to be a kid that never failed, never gave up until he was on top.

Gary had surpassed Ash every step of their journey, and yet Ash was consistently the winner whenever anything mattered. Ash only had two friends, yet, they stuck with him through even the toughest, most seemingly impossible situations. Gary had a group of cheerleaders, yet they split the second the going got rough.

It just didn't make sense. Gary couldn't figure it out. It was beyond frustrating. Was Ash lucky and he unlucky? Were those just simply the cards they had been dealt?

_. . . thud, thud. . . thud, thud . . . thud, thud. . ._

It wasn't that Gary was wallowing in self pity. Gary didn't feel sorry for himself. He had a stable, secure life and a future filled with promise - and he was grateful for it. He just . . . felt alone. He was alone. Sure he had his Pokemon, but they _were just _Pokemon, not humans. Pokemon couldn't possibly begin to fill the void that had been growing ominously larger everyday inside him.

His grandfather, the distinguished Professor Samuel Oak - Gary loved him. He respected him. He knew that his Grandfather cared for him very much. But . . . there was a nagging voice in the depth of his mind that knew he was a disappointment.

It didn't take a genius to see how fond Professor Oak had grown of Ash. Every trivial accomplishment Ash managed was a major deal worthy of magnanimous praise. But when Gary progressed he received a mere nod of approval. It was _expected _that Gary excel. It was assumed that he would become a champion from the moment of his birth. His parents and his grandfather had decided his fate long before Gary had taken his first steps.

In turn, each one of Ash's failures was met with a mere sigh: '_oh well, Ash, you'll get it next time. Keep it up, kid-o!' _

Gary loosing a battle . . .? _God,_ that was unacceptable. His parents didn't tolerate anything but the best. It wasn't really fair that they anticipated so much of him; after all, Gary's parents didn't even have a hand in raising him. Gary had been raised by his nanny, his older sister, and occasionally by his Grandad. His parents were incredibly wealthy and spent their days traveling the world in luxury. He was told all throughout his childhood that he could join them for a celebration once he obtained the title of _Pokemon Master_. Unfortunately, his early loss in his very first league games resulted in his parents completely cutting him off from their bank account. Not that he really cared . . . Gary had won enough battles by that point to have an extremely large savings of his own.

He was just . . . tired.

He was tired of walking.

He was tired of walking alone.

But he couldn't stop.

_. . . thud, thud . . . thud, thud . . . thud, thud . . ._

An opening yawned in the thick tree branches above. A lone star flickered dully in the heavens. Gary paused, staring hard at this little twinkling orb. He had given up on wishing upon stars long ago . . . at least, he thought that he had . . . but, then again, Gary Oak never truly gave up on anything.

Thus, Gary shut his weary sapphire eyes and wished. He wished that there was someone out there that he could talk too. That he could trust. Someone who would see him for who he was - and not abandon him when he didn't live up to their expectations.

It wasn't a selfish wish. It was in fact a very small request to make of the mighty heavens. Despite this, Gary felt that a request for a million dollars might sooner be granted.

But it was worth a shot . . . right?

_. . . thud, thud . . . thud, thud . . . thud, thud . . ._

Gary laughed bitterly to himself as an obscure cloud drifted over the star. The cloud smothered any lingering hope that he had about wishing. He glanced down at his shadow - the one steady presence -however intangible it was. The cloud continued to spread across the bleak skies like a Zubat stretching its immense wing.

The thick cloud suddenly succeeded in banishing the light of the moon itself. Perhaps God had sighed upon it after all?

Gary stopped walking. Without any moonlight his sad shadow had disappeared. Gary was completely blind now. He couldn't even see a centimeter in front of his face.

With his shadow now vanquished he felt more alone than ever before.

Gary exhaled softy. Perhaps his aimless journey had lasted long enough for one night?

He turned around.

_. . . thud, thud . . . thud, thud . . . thud, thud . . ._

He was on a path. He would be fine in the dark as long as he stuck to it.

_. . . thud, thud . . . thud, thud . . . thud, thud . . ._

He knew that his shadow would eventually return along with the somber moonlight. The cloud could not hide the moon forever.

He was still scheduled to stay in Pallet Town for a few more days. That meant there would be a few more nights to spend continuing this search . . .

. . . walking . . . alone.

The End.

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_I walk a lonely road  
The only one I that have ever known  
Don't know were it goes  
But it's home to me and I walk alone_

_I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of broken dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
And I'm the only one and I walk alone_

_I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk a..._

_My shadows the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
Till then I walk alone_

_I'm walking down the line  
That divides me somewhere in my mind  
On the border line of the edge  
And were I walk alone_

_Read between the lines of what's  
F---ed up and every things all right  
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive  
And I walk alone_

_I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk a..._

_My shadows the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
Till then I walk alone_

_I walk alone  
I walk a..._

_I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of broken dreams  
Were the city sleeps  
And I'm the only one and I walk a.._

_My shadows the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
Till then I'll walk alone!_

Above song lyrics by Green Day, "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"

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NOTE TO ALL: Thank you for taking the time to read my fic. Please, don't hesitate to share your thoughts, ideas, and opinions on this story. I look forward to reading them. Thank you very much, Maia


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